Saturday, January 28, 2012

Toddler Decathlon, Events 3, 4 & 5

I have figured out events three thru five of our Toddler Decathlon. Our daughter is clearly training hard for this. What am I talking about? I explain here.

Event 3 – Timed Clothing Shed
No longer satisfied with just shoes and socks, her clothing removal skills are rapidly progressing. While being closely monitored, she’s usually content to stay clothed. But left unattended and clothes start coming off. It’s not unusual to discover a totally nude kid in the crib that greets you with big "Uh, oh...". Decathletes will be timed in the removal of all clothing. A complete diaper removal as well puts you closer to gold. One bonus point for a soiled sheet.
Event 4 – Bedding Toss
When shedding clothes or tossing a pacifier at night isn’t enough to draw in a parent, you go to something else. In this case, it the blankets, pillows, pillow cases, stuffed animal, and whatever else isn’t bolted down. These mornings her bedroom floor looks like a prison riot broke out. Contestants will be scored on total amount of materials hurled over the side the crib within the time limit. Successful dismounts of the crib onto the pile gets a head start in the next event.
Event 5 – Furniture Gymnastics
When baby-proofing the home, you never really consider how am I going to keep her off the dining room table? Because there’s zero chance she could ever climb up there. Right??? Wrong. She’s turned into some kind of spider monkey that views the furniture now as her personal indoor jungle gym. To test their physical strength and dexterity, the decathletes must successfully mount and dismount the parent’s bed, the elevated dining room chairs, and sofa. Extra credit given for mucous smears on cushions or spillage of adult beverages

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