Friday, March 30, 2012

Dating the Wife

Three and a half years ago on a quiet mountainside in Colorado, the missus and I held hands and did the whole matrimony thing in front of a few friends, family, and some freeloaders who heard about the open bar.

This was it. The ultimate reward for my courtship and bright plumage displays over the past two years had paid off in salvation from a life of loneliness, bookmarking, and being that sketchy old guy. Okay, so the last one is still kinda' an issue. Twas a fantastic, yet nerve-racking day. Whenever I have to make human eye-contact while using the words forever, death and I do in a sentence while wearing a rented outfit that some teenager likely befouled at his high school prom, it tends to put me a tad on edge. So much so I may have even mumbled the wrong name during the vows. My name that is...Yes, I did that. Let's move on.

Dating as the boyfriend, fiancee, and then husband was fun. A lot of fun. Dating turned into something else for the first time. It wasn't dating anymore, it was hanging out with your best friend, but with a great benefits package.

A movie and dinner on a Tuesday. A concert on a Wednesday. A three day weekend on a moment's notice. Toes dipped in both oceans. Even a Monster Truck show. She laughed at my jokes. I told her she was hot. We were both sincere. At least I think she was.

Sure, there were some duds. She still considers our first date the worst first date she ever had (I dispute this). Our first out of town trip together was less than romantic. Unless you consider lots and lots of vomit romantic. We learned from it, and by that, I mean we never spoke of these times again.

Legally bound, the magic continued. Growing even more exhilarating as I could look down at the stain on my shirt and mismatched socks with relief and confidence, knowing wait,
she has to go home with me, it's the law!

Without having to say it, we both want that spark to always be there. The wife, the cerebral one, always calculating, thinking three moves ahead, wants to protect her marriage like she would an investment. Me, I'm driven to not be the flopping, writhing fish out of water, as this is what I would now be without her. At least I'd smell just as bad. We make a great team.

Then this happened:

If you have one of these you know what it does to your dating agenda. If you don't, consider yourself warned.

Don't get me wrong, this little girl was/is the best thing I've ever done. But, she does present some challenges when it comes to spending quality time with momma, especially now that she can open doors.

Like any average parents and we are definitely average, we're slaves to the path of least resistance with our little bundle of joy. We spend most of our together time at home like shut-ins, minus the cats but with the same mess. Weeknights are hand-to-hand combat through dinners, bath, bed time, etc. Weekends are spent running necessary-only errands or occasionally family outings to some 'fun' place where projectile throwing, tantrums, and fouled diapers are socially acceptable. This typically means either the zoo or Target. Neither affords us much time to discuss the latest political debate or celebrity gossip while perusing a drink menu. Sweatpants have replaced short skirts and the clean underwear everyday rule has been relaxed.

Staring down the proverbial barrel at the end of our once fulfilling social life, we are determined to persevere. I couldn't tell you the last movie I went to or the last time I was away from home past midnight. But we still find time to date. The definition of dating may have changed a bit but we take advantage of every opportunity to be alone like it will be our last. We try force ourselves to get out a couple times a month if only for a few hours. Just us. Like we were before we were momma and dadda. Sure we constantly check the phone for a 911 text from the sitter, or from the kid demanding ransom in exchange for the sitter's life. The daddying instincts never shut down as I still jump hearing glass break or instinctively move that steak knife away from the edge where prying little hands can't reach it. Maybe its only a few hours together on the couch at night before we pass out. Maybe its just coffee while we wait for a parent-teacher conference at daycare. Maybe it's a few drinks at the bar before some buzzed shopping and make out session in the detergent aisle at the grocery store while the mother in law is watching the kid.

Whatever it is, take what you can get.


  1. A good baby sitter is key! Keep up the investment in your marriage - it will pay big dividends. Hey, J - you found a good man here! Love your blog posts Dad!

  2. You got that right, fellow father. Keep the flame going as best you can.

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