Wednesday, December 5, 2012

All time flows downstream

One minute I'm fishing rocks out of my daughter's mouth while I weed the garden, the next I'm the last man on the block without his Christmas lights up, again.  Sure, time flies when you're having fun. But when exactly did time travel become a real thing? And when did fun really just mean crossing things off the to-do-list?

One minute I'm admiring my chemically treated green lawn, the next I'm contemplating dumping the piles of leaves in the lake like they're the dead body of a mob snitch. Yard work is less fun when it gets dark early, your wife is taking a final exam, your toddler develops a resistance to bedtime, and leaf pick up is at 6:30 Friday morning.

You see foliage, I see late-night raking.
One minute I'm watching the sun go down with the kiddo on the back deck, the next I'm stuck at work while the grandparents take her trick-or-treating.  If you're new to the I have kids game and want to know what age a child successfully computes the whole wait, I get candy from strangers thing, the answer is two years old. Additionally, the answer to how many consecutive weeks will the kid scream I WANNA TRICKA-TWEATING while driving through your neighborhood is two and a half. Eighteen days. Enjoy.


Excuse me ma'am, you can't park that horsey here.
One minute I'm driving almost five hours to the in-laws for Thanksgiving with Mrs. I Don't Want To Be In A Car Seat After Mile Marker 60, the next I'm losing to a toddler in bowling.  It's hereditary (from her mother's side), but still. The witnessing of my offspring wielding a six pound bowling ball like she was an extra in King Pin ,while high-fiving her gloating mother was a tad embarrassing.  If there's one thing I've learned, it's never get involved in a land war in Asia and never, ever bowl against Midwesterners when there's money or pride on the line.

One minute I'm coordinating family dinner plans with the wife like we're getting ready to invade Europe, the next she's actually in Europe. The wife has a great job. A great career (and a supportive husband.) But, her travel schedule would make a Def Leppard roadie homesick. Fortunately, she has enough sense to keep the old man happy with exotic food and boozes when she gets home. 

If you look just above the top of my wife's pretty head, you notice St. Basil's Cathedral, as in Russia. As in freaking Russia.
So you never know where you will be one minute to the next. But you'll be somewhere and a camera comes in real handy.